Koushaku Reijou no Tashinami - Ch 177

Regret

The ball is over.

I go back to the mansion while being shaken in the carriage.

Next to me, Bern was looking outside through the window.

"Sister, how are you feeling?"

Suddenly, he asked me when he noticed my sight.

"... I got a bit dizzy again now that we're in the carriage, but I'm more or less okay. When we get back to the mansion I will take some rest and I'll be up and wonderful again shortly."

"That would be the best"

I divert my line of sight, as if escaping from Bern's caring look and words.

Silence covered the carriage one more time. The sound of the horse galloping comes into the ear.

"...Hey, Bern"

It was me who broke the silence.

"Why did you fall in love with Yuri?"

To my question, Bern blinked his eyes as if surprised.

"... I was ... feeling like I was in a dream... She made everything so sweet and nice... She went in by the scars I had.. and made me feel like with her I would not need any other thing.. all would be perfect...  "

However, I had a bitter smile when I heard that.

" A dream... "

"Yes, I was caught by the sweetness of the unreal, and afterwards I drowned when I knew it was all a lie.."

"so……"

A dream, is not it? ...... It may be strange for someone "perfect" as her to exist.

"Is a dream made to someday wake up?"

"At that time I thought that I had to wake up..."

I wonder if the time will come when Dan wants to wake up too... It is unknown ...

But I can only wish for that time to come.

While I thought about such a thing, I arrived at the mansion unnoticed.

I lie in my bed as soon as I return to the room.

I clung to the sheeting with tightness so as to suppress the tremor of my body.

It is pure anger that occupies my heart.

.... I was helpless .... again...

Yuri was working without stop while I was in the territory. 
Tending nets as a spider.. and poisoning anyone she caught to live a dream....

Now there is no one despising her as a baroness and they even let her pose as royalty.

She fascinated everyone and built her own side.

The result is this. ...... I lost my precious friend to the same suffering I went through.

Speaking of what I could do to help her avoid this, I only appealed to my friend honestly and that did not work.

I regret it. It was a miserable intent.

I raise my fist in anger and pound on the pillow.

Boom, boom, the sound can be heard.

I repeat it many times. As I seek for a way to calm down my anger.

I regret it. It was painful.

While lying down, I was at the mercy of those intense emotions and I could not feel sleepy at all.

...... No matter how bad it is, the sun rises and the night ends.

I ended up still pounding on the pillow at the morning as I could not sleep after all.

While exhaling, I change clothes.

I had breakfast, headed to the office quickly and began to work.

There are various things to do, like urgent requirements, reports, authorizations accompanying them, etc.

Especially during my stay in the Kingdom, I have limited time to work on this because I have to do social work. Build relationships and the likes.

Even so, because of the lack of sleep my head doesn't work.

……no. I guess the feelings of what happened yesterday is dragging me behind.

"... Excuse me."

Tanya entered the room with a knocking sound.

"Tanya ... I have something I want to ask you..."

I was struggling a while. ...... Whether or not to let Tanya investigate the matter of Mimosa.

My father advised me that I should not touch the matter of Yuri too much, and Mimosa herself does not want it.

However, I'll regret again if I do not know.

It is enough for me to regret when something like yesterday happens. 
I hate being powerless.

Knowing that, then I think about it again.

... Yes, I will ask her... I conclude.

This is my ego. For my ego, I involved Tanya.

Even though danger may reach Tanya while investigating Yuri.

Tanya may also explain the risks, before I have a firm decision.

But she smiled at my wish and just told me that she was "available".