Tea party II
"What? this tea was brewed by Tanya?"
"Oh, I understood well.."
As I pointed out, he smiles bitterly.
"Well, then... why did the princess detain me?"
"Although I can not say anything about the report ..., there is something I want to tell you"
I drink the last bit of tea in the cup and put it on the desk.
Dida, who is on the other side of my line of sight, has corrected his posture immediately unintentionally.
"Do not get so stiff, okay?"
"If you say so... the princess will not make me face a serious problem now not?"
"Oh.."
I pointed out that I did not expect it and laughed.
It seems that his face stiffens as a habit depending on what he talks about.
"Sorry, so it's a comment only, actually, Dorsen seems to have left the Knights"
Dida seemed to have met Dorsen several times at grandfather's place and was involved with him at the incident of the Vortic family.
Because it had something to do with the incident, I decided to tell you ahead of time.
"...... That's right"
The reaction of Dida was more extreme than what I thought.
It's almost as if it is obvious.
"You're not surprised like I thought ... No way ... did you know?"
"No, I did not know, but I was preconcepting it somehow."
"Well ... why?"
"He told me that before leaving home, he had always in mind the question of, what is a knight?, and that he had repeated that question to himself hundred times without answer..
"Have you said to him that he is not a true knight, or something about being a knight?"
No, but he has said to us "I thought that you and Lyle are better than me, I always thought I was the knight I had once imagined." but it was because I did not understand well, now "I do not know" what means to be a knight in the true sense.
"Oh dear..."
He stated, " I stick to my name, I am arrogant, far away from what I should be as a knight"
"What did you say in return?"
"What is a knight supposed to be if you think so?" ... Even so, I guess, I can only be myself because I do my best. No matter if I ask myself "What kind of person do you want to become" I'll be what I am. I guess that's why I do not want to think so much about what I should do and what I want to do, I feel I'm not firmer enough if I'm not convinced of myself. It's not strange that you are pursuing the ideal just because you do not understand what means that ideal, so why do not you stick to the knight team and just be yourself, deeply arrogant at the position of the eldest boy of the Countess? Well, as a nobility baby boy most likely "
"Tough words, did you really tell him that?"
"Well, something similar, then he said, "When I came to this place, I was repeatedly made remember that the crimes I committed are heavy and that the sin will exist forever, as long as my existence is that of a knight, that is why I need redeem what I did, and... I will truly redeem my own remembering the figure I longed for, and when I have a clear image I will aim for it again "
"Well ... that's a good thing."
"I guess the princess experience is quite rich, I guess it was definitely a heavy decision for him, is not it?"
"I am not interested if it was"
"It is quite a cold word"
"Even I think so, but what can I do? I can only express that ... What he did to me ... and will help in something this territory to hear what he says? I do not care whatever he does, honestly, I believe that past things are good if "do not care" are my feelings for them"
"Did you forgive them?"
"...... That thing at that time has already happened, nothing can be done about it. I have also changed through the experience I went trough at that time. It is a good meaning or a bad meaning, we will not know. What is already in the past, doesn't come back, and I have something important to care for now"
While being busy everyday, I became even able to think like a different person, far from the past.
There is something more important than to be concerned about now.
...... Most of all, that time is engraved deeply into my heart. So I cannot change my impression now..
Although the personality of my previous me and I merged, there are scars that traumatized me from that.
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