Koushaku Reijou no Tashinami - Ch 211

Love

... Why do you have to blame yourself Iris...

I wonder if I learned it at that time when I was in love with Ed.

Love makes people foolish...

I fell quickly and drowned in it. 
Nothing more than despair awaited me from it.

... And the same as now I also wished at that time for the other party to love me as I love them. For myself, so the what happened with Ed doesn't happen again ... no, no more. I must stop.

I want to let go of him, I want to forget about his existence, but at the same time I want to make him drown in my feelings, I want to make him recognize me and love me ...

Yes, I hoped... I hoped...

Without thinking about the other person's intention.

Even now, I'm only thinking about my feelings.. that's right. Expecting love from him and loving him without permission and feeling angry if I didn't get what I wanted.

... It seems that my behavior is not different from a child who can not get the toy he wants.

Before I knew, Tanya was walking behind me.

She did not say anything and was chasing me the entire time from when I got up from the First Prince table.  

When I noticed I was standing close to the entrance... Oh, I must have come back unconscious ... 

Although my head was occupied heavily with thoughts, my chest feels lightly now.

I gently strike my hand against the chest.

... I lost it!

The pocket watch that I'm always wearing is now lost.

To that fact, I quickly paled up. 

"Lady?"

I stopped suddenly, she noticed my change in the complexion and Tanya cried.

"... Tanya ... I'm sorry but I left something important behind. Will you go get it?"

"But... Milady you're not okay now... I can't leave you alone..."

"Please, by all means, I do not want to lose it, but I can't go back to that place... I'll be waiting around here, please."

There is no consciousness of the rare weak figure I'm exposing right now.

But ... that thing, is so important to me, to the extent I'd do anything for it. 

"... I am afraid to go back there, please bring it to me Tanya..."

She doesn't want to leave my side so she showed a conflicted face for a while ... but, at the end she said okay.

"Okay..."

I saw her off from behind. And waited quietly on the spot.

Unintentionally, I put my hands on my chest. That gesture is like a habit to me.

...... Really, how strange.

Even if that pocket watch comes back, so what of it? ... Rather, the happy past that accompanies it is only painful for me now to remember it.

I vaguely look at the garden facing the corridor.

So, people were close to me all the time while I was talking with him.

While I was thinking that, I suddenly heard footsteps..
It's really early for Tanya to have come back already..

When I turned back to see if it was Tanya and if she found it, it was Dean who was standing there.

Before I had the chance to ask him why he's here... he took my hand and walks away pulling me.

To this unusual fortune, I am confused and I can't keep up with the present situation.

When we entered a nearby vacancy room, he lets go of my hand.